I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
