After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
