Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
