Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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