DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
