I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
