She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
