I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
