hotel room ftw
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
