Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His hands were made for my vagina.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
