I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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