I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
