Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
