He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
