so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
