We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
