We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
