Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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