And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
