Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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