I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
