I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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