Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
