Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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