She said her name was "party"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
