I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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