Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
