I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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