his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
