DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
