No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
