i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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