Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
