Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
