One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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