saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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