I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize