I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
