Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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