I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
