It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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