I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my shit smells like andre
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
