I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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