I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
