end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How many fucks given?
0.12846
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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