I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just cut my nipple shaving
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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