Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
