ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
