quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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