I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
