id be glad to
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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