It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
