i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
