Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
