Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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