just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
