My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im holly from the hills drunk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
