I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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