I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize