Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
