I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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