I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
