we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
