if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
