You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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