I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was born a porn star she said
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
