The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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