That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
