yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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